how do you know who you are?

My favorite illustrator/writer/artist on the planet, Maira Kalman, has posed this question repeatedly throughout her work. I have secretly, and not so secretly, wanted to be her. I tend to pose these questions silently or obscurely because I am afraid to be too direct. And when I venture out, it feels like my skin has no sheath.

In this interview, Kalman talks about her work and how she moves through the big questions of life. She is able to cut through the clutter to what is essential and meaningful for her path. And the biggest lesson for me – understanding when we have exactly what we need, no more, no less.

family resemblance

My mother, Marcelle, drew this in her later years. For most of her life, she claimed she could not draw. I am struck by the similarity of our quirky viewpoints. She spent most of her working years in the textile industry owning two businesses with my father. For the last 10 or so years of her life, she liked to draw in a primative fashion with felt markers. I have no idea what she was thinking while making this drawing. It is like a dream or puzzle to me, I can almost guess but remain baffled by the odd assortment of characters and stage setting.

grumpy

old fashioned tweets

Salty air

Wanting winter to end, thinking about growing up by the ocean and thankful that I made it through the holidays without too much wear and tear.

In the middle

Of what? The country, my life, my career. Or am I in the middle or at the end or maybe the beginning? Do any of us know? I bellyache about not knowing why. Why am I in Kansas after being a rabid New Yorker for close to 40 years? I wore it like a badge. Now I am in the middle of the country living on a gravel road working with a group of people I didn’t know existed till about 4 years ago. They were here. I wasn’t and now I am.

I am sitting on my couch looking out onto ice covered trees with a partial view of the 200 acres now called home. Not even a thought on the horizon in my loft under a sewing factory in Williamsburg. It was another world.

Holiday questions